World of lies.

Dear reader,


Have you ever been so good at lying that you don't even bat an eye when you do, that you told the same lies so much times that you start to believe them yourself? You can't feel it, the guilt, because in a way you've started to believe them too and it starts becoming part of your reality even if you know that it's bad and wicked and horrible.


I bet you've only been there when someone asked what happened to your dad, why wasn't he around anymore, you probably said that it was because your parents divorced, when in reality he left you and your mother alone, or when someone asked you why didn't you eat tomatoes, you said it was because you were allergic, when in reality you just didn't like them. And I know that you felt guilty for saying those things, and after a while  you regreted doing it in the first place and confessed that you had lied.


I don't.




Being good at lying probably isn't good, but it helps when you don't want your family to know how bad you are. How much you've fallen... that you aren't as straight as they come, that there are scars all over your arms and thighs, and that your mind is the only thing that hasn't broken... 
I have been there plenty of times, lying about the scars of my arms and hands, and about that I was single, when I clearly had someone, but wouldn't say because I was too afraid to see the reaction of my parents when I told them that that someone was of my same sex. But the worst of these lies, is that after some time you start to believe them yourself... 


Like that one time they asked you how you got that cut on the palm of your hand, you said it was caused because you accidentaly grabbed too hard on the blade of the knive in Cooking Class when in reality you had had a panic attack and you had grabbed your emergency razor and cut through your skin sighing in bliss at the feeling that you were still alive. They believed you without doubt... and so did your friends and your siblings. And slowly slithering past you, without you noticing, the lie started crawling up from your tongue to your brain... deceiving you with beautiful, soft, whispering lies that became your truth... Making a world from lies and deceit... a world were you can't escape from. 


Sincerly,
the child who survived.